Do you Love? or do you Fear?
As I write this post, it is my deep personal sharing with you, where the opposites of love or fear are entangled….I am embracing my fear that is arising for love, from love, the unknown and what I share is MASSIVE! let me explain why.
This year of 2014 has been pivotal and transformational and when I set my intentions at Navratri and Diwali in 2013 I quite simply had no idea all that has happened in 2014, would. I am open to receive and be guided, and if you’ve followed my blogs or been in my classes you perhaps would see that it is Her, the Divine Feminine that has been guiding me. I honoured Her, which is ultimately me, so deeply, so humbly and with devotion. For years my sadhana. my life purpose has been revealing itself and I lovingly committed to it. something prior to that I would shy away from anything that I had to commit to as I felt well I don’t know what’s going to happen so I will wait and see – mmm the universe hears doubt. the moment you commit is when everything changes!
the question : do you Love? the answer was YES! a big fat juicy succulent YES! no fear in sight. Love opens us up to all love has to offer, the smells the colours the tastes, the caress of the wind, the sparkle of the sun, the seduction of Mother Moon… I am open to receive all of this and teach from this place of recognition and remembrance. today on Remembrance day I write this, for you to remember my journey in the hope it inspire yours…
Love or Fear
Of course I wasn’t in love all the time, Love or Fear are two sides of the coin and it is only natural to fear, yet this fear for me is the fuel to live more fearlessly with love in my heart, for Love conquers fear. Fear contracts, inhibits and causes us to shrink and pull back from life, for we doubt and are scared. if you swapped the ‘c’ and the ‘a’ around in scared, you’d get sacred = life to me is sacred, Yoga is the practice that helps us to honour, remember and step into the sacred… Yoga truly has transformed my life, not the asana on the mat, although that’s how I weave the Tantric philosophies into a class and live them, its all the hours off the mat that I receive the intoxications of what arises and feel them. the feelings are the portals in. for example I went to a class on saturday and the teacher said it was backbends, I don’t mind backbends but they challenge me as I’m not a naturally back bender, so to a degree I shrunk, in fact I be honest my thought was “oh F……. hell!” to the works backbend. so my students must get this when i say Hanumanasana 🙂 yet during that backbend class I also said I am open to receive and boy did I, the teacher helped me go beyond whatI thought was possible – I said YES!
Now I might’ve stayed shrunk, like I was for many years when I was single; I was lonely, I had deep fear of being by myself, and that’s what I projected to the universe and that’s what i received. when I truly committed to work on myself and embrace every aspect of my self, what I loved (yes you gotta love you), what angered me, upset me, appreciation for little moments and immense gratitude that when it changed, as you known from my Sacred Union Love conquered fear and I celebrated my marriage last month. How did I get there – that’s a long the story, however this blog is about this years love or fear and indeed the marriage of them both.
From LOVE I move….
In my recent blog A Leap of Faith I shared how I themed my classes, yet I wrote how I didn’t share the personal details. Now I am – I am about to leave my London Life of 24 years to make a massive leap of faith and take flight (literally) to move to Barbados to be with my Beloved Husband, Shon. YES, I know! I said MASSIVE – LOVE is IMMENSE. for Love, from love I move and as I am in this process of taking a massive Leap of Faith, I am quaking in my boots, my Hanuman boots, fortunately when the fear surfacing a have my mum ( immense gratitude for giving me life) and two extraordinary friends, Teri and Margherita, who come to my classes as well as students, yet are my teachers, reminding me of my powers, just like Hanuman needed because he’s forgotten his powers. what was a Leap of Faith truly about? my journey across a week when I prayed for everything to be possible – my house, the hOMe of Yoga where I teach was for sale and it wasn’t going so well, I became fearful and so I embraced the Hanuman spirit of fearlessness, and as my world was turned even more upside down (all in the leap of faith blog) I invoked Kali’s truth, I had to stand firm in my truth, for love not fear and by end of the week the house sale was happening, hence hip hip hooray..
How did I get to make this leap?
It all started when I committed and deeply met Durga on a course with Sally Kempton in 2013 and later 2013 committed to honour Durga! everything about Durga just came forth in my life. I planned to teach a Navratri retreat in September and planning for it was liberating as my sadhana with Her deepened and ultimately themed it as Riding Tigers… why? because I felt at one with the Tiger just like Durga rides hers. I’ll write the story about Durga’s emergence in the world riding her tiger or lion in the myths. the Tiger or Lion that Durga rides is a teacher of discernment, energy, and power. Durga invites you to take off all your masks and be seen, surrender into the vulnerable as raw as that is. If you fight you’re in fear, the tiger throws you off as you resist and then the tiger is breathing down your neck. however Durga is a mirror, she’s mirroring you the qualities she longs for you to embrace, so if you learn to rest in your own presence, riding your tiger, open, not fighting or contracting, you ride in love and truth. Durga is the lover of truth and she shows you. this is the mirror Durga held to me and I hold up to you by teaching you.
when you begin to stand up in your truth, do you worry what others might say if you make a leap?
I used this quote a lot as I made my decision, I used it in classes to…because the great roar was rising me as I rode my lion/tiger of Love and was unafraid.
The greatest fear in the world is of the opinion of others and the moment you are unafraid of the crowd you are no longer a sheep. You become a lion. A Great to roar rises in your heart. The roar of freedom – Osho
I knew that when I told people, even some friends, they’d say I was mad to sell up and go, to the unknown, however I teach to commit 108%, to jump of the fence and take risks, for that is where you meet Durga, how can i teach this if I would not do it myself. I live and breath my themes, my beliefs and my love for Durga, the feminine face of god who has transformed my life! and so a great roooooarrrrr rises 🙂 I am unafraid of the crowd! I’m every character in the story – the Lion and Durga, they/we are One. and I might add Durga is the consort to Shiva and ooooh how my husband is my Shiva and it’s their / mine eternal journey to become One
Two events transformed my life and as I used my sankalpa, my intention, all that truly mattered to me was clearly laid out….In May i wrote a blog I am fearless after attending one of my teacher trainings with Sianna Sherman. this was the start that I knew something was churning at that fertile time of a new cycle of spring. Then I went to Germany to meet with another beloved teacher Chameli Ardagh from the Awakening Women’s Institute, that retreat was the pivotal time, the nectar of the teachings that gave me the potent medicine and helped me make my decision to be wholeheartedly with Shon. This is why I taught the themes of Stepping into the Unknown back in May/June. to truly embrace the Feminine, is to surrender, to take the risk and step off the Fence, or to think outside the box, or the boxes that place everything into to contain it because it feels safe. The Feminine cannot be contained, she is free fluid and immense and what she offers you is huge. She is a frequency that is immense, She is the power of the universe so when you practice you align with this frequency – I ask you now as you’ve read all of this about commitment = how BIG are you going to align with Her? Durga is so much bigger than you can imagine and always present, so think big….real BIG!
when you think outside the box, take two feet off the fence and jump, or make that leap, she’s there waiting to support you and even open the doors you never even dreamt were possible – OMGoddess! YES! Jai Jai Ma! is all I humbly say with gratitude.
- love or fear; do you love or do you fear?
- how big do you wish you and your life to be?
- What do you truly long for?
Durga invites you to come into the truth of who you are, live your unique purpose, that which you truly long for, that which makes your heart tick and beat with passion and love… she ask that you commit to it, marry it, become one with it and then you enter the frequency of Durga and then all is possible. These are all the sorts of questions, themes I offer in my teachings during a workshops, retreat and even classes….
My BIG Move… and the Fear…
The picture above my Beloved took one of my holidays in Barbados and I posted it on Facebook in July 2013 with the caption “the leap to Lanka (in Barbados), my devotion & gratitude to Hanuman for deepening my faith & building bridges of Love” – who’d have know back then that I’d truly build bridges of love and through devotion all would change…
when i made my decision that Barbados would become my base everything fell into place, my wedding, the housesale. My intention is to travel to london to continue teaching and do the other work I do every couple of months. Now as I prepare to move and pack I will be utterly honest, for this is all I ever am…. I rest in my authenticity as a woman, a yogini, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a teacher of yoga… and yet I am scared! as I write this tears pour down my face, for I am having to say good-bye to my known life, the security and embrace the unknown, which I know will be another teacher. at the same time as I move for Love, fear quivers in my soul. I am making the ultimate leap of faith and trusting, surrendering. My home is my temple and this is changing and so in the transition I honour the temple of my heart and allow the fears to surface, I cry as I let go of a very treasured time, yet I re-commit to my journey, my new journey.
hOMe of Yoga @ YogaRelax
Telling my clients has been one of the hardest things. for I, we, have built a beautiful cOMmUNITY in the temple of my hOMe. Sometimes like today the whole class had their individual breath of ujjayi, yet there is this collective breath like the ocean, the ocean of consciousness and it makes me shiver that everyone moves as one, the energy, the power, the frequency of Durga is here.
of course telling everyone has bought up very mixed emotions, as I knew it would. Most are happy for me, yet sad for themselves as there truly is a magic that has been built in the intimacy of my home.
here’s what an advanced yogini Lis had to say: “Much as I am saddened by the news that you won’t be just a stone’s throw away every week I am also in awe of your fearlessness what an amazing adventure, fair play to ya Michelle good on ya and I completely agree if ya going to commit to something then it’s just that you’re rather in it or out, no grey areas as you would say, get off the fence, yeah now I come to think, I can put together class, with the stuff you were working out, but that’s great, that’s what it’s all about. Ya know I have said to you how much I love the class and how much it really has helped me, your teaching has set me on my journey, but ya know what we all have to realise is that it’s our journey and we have to own it, you’re on your journey and it’s a pretty frickin amazing one. Anyway, you’re right when you say about your relationship with us all is magical, there is a magic in the community you have built up which will continue in its strength wherever we all are, sometimes you find the further away you are physically you take the strength of it more…I love your classes and will more than happy to commit, which is an unusual sentence for me to say, to any dates in advance.” I wish to add Lis herself would say she’s not advanced in asana, yet she is so advanced in living yoga off the mat and selflessly gets it.
As I shared my news at the New Moon last month at Diwali, a year on when I truly brought the darkness to light and a new dawn was born, I see the fears arising in my clients and this hurts me deeply, that I may cause this, however this for them is also a teacher, a test to see how they respond, change is inevitable, life is cyclic do you move with the cycles or try to stay linear?. I hope some take on Lis’s words above, about journey…
If you’ve ever moved house, or country you will know how unsettling it is as you pack, prepare to leave, say goodbye to a home that transformed your life, where you literally came to life in the fullest sense. as I pack my house, my home, my temple, everything is churning within me, the ingredients of fear, love, excitement, mixed in with loss, letting go, gratitude, authenticity, power, sacredness is immense. the practices of this yogini embraces all these qualities, not in attempts to fix anything, but to evolve. I share with you to open my heart even more.
As I said my joys of moving are somewhat squashed when I see within some on my clients, blame, anger, and the withdrawal, yet I have to step back and let them go through this, even though I know from experience this is a harder path and often more painful. The remembrance of your true nature that is inherently within and shines luminously like love. When we react with anger, judgement, we are feeling the fear and contracting and masking the light of love. I teach from my heart and soul to inspire, to empower and heal and light a path of transformation, always have. now is my time to follow my journey and go international, thats’ how huge a frequency I aligned to! do you see?
I’m introducing a new cycle and feel the universe, the power of Shakti has guided me here and so I will offer online classes in downloads, 1-1 Skype sessions and return every couple of months and have hired a venue to come together and share the teachings of yoga and invite you into the heart of yoga, that’s if you choose to commit. For to be with me and this new path requires commitment and some just aren’t ready to commit to anything 2 months in advance.
Here’s another stunning shakti sister wrote me this:
Jennifer: “Thanks for your email.. I will miss your class more than i can express when you go, but will continue to use the downloads. I’m very aware that the “magic” you referred to will be hard to find elsewhere.. & that i wouldn’t settle for just any kind of yoga class any more! i would like to keep going with the kind of practise you have taught us when you’re not around.
I’ve had a feeling for a time that someone with your gifts would spread their wings by and by..I think i’ve more or less explained in previous emails that you’ve really set me off on a path from which there’s no turning back, so i hope to always stay in contact with you as i value your teachings in the most life-transforming kind of way.”
LOVE chooses (fear avoids)
LOVE inspires (fear worries)
LOVE IS unconditional (fear is conditional)
LOVE IS strong (fear is weak)
LOVE heals (fear hurts)
LOVE surrenders (fear binds)
LOVE expands (fear contracts)
LOVE gives (fear resists)
LOVE receives (fear pushes away)
LOVE forgives (fear blames)
LOVE is the potent medicine (fear is a poison)
LOVE opens (fear closes)
LOVE accepts (fear rejects)
LOVE delights (fears suffers)
LOVE commits (fears runs)
LOVE or fear – do you Love? or do you fear?
My marriage to my own sadhana, my marriage to my husband is imbued with immense love and cOMmitment. The eternal love making of ShivaShakti is where I dance and love even more, the myths or stories of the Hindu pantheon invite me deeper into the mystery of my own love story of Yoga, that’s why i share them.
- Will you continue to commit?
- will you evolve in your own Yoga Love story?
- will you forgive, to taste the potent medicine of the teachings that heal?
- or will you run, resist, blame and contract?
This picture was taken at the end of a 3 hour Diwali workshop in October 2014, when everyone knew this would be the last class. I think his picture captures the immense gratitude being expressed, not only to the practice, Diwali, to each individual, also to the cOMmUNITY of YogaRelax. I humbly bow to you and thank everyone who has passed the threshold of YogaRelax in Cheviot Road and contributed to the mystical magic of this temple space. I very much look forward to sharing with you on 25 January 2015 when I return to teach an empowering 3 hour workshop.
In commitment I bow…
with love and gratitude, I serve you…