I’ve been contemplating Friendship since returning from my month immersed in study in London.

May was a magical month, quite literally on many levels an awakening month that unfurled so many facets within myself and my life and what I’ve been practicing and yearning for since April 2015. Through my sadhana (spiritual practice) i’ve been polishing the diamond of my soul, embracing mulfriendshipti aspects of myself to make the whole…. This includes looking at myself and my relationships and friendship.

How are your friendships?

How do you relate with the different people in your life and with yourself?

Yes that’s right.

How is your friendship with yourself?

what a journye reveals about Friendship

My move to the Caribbean has revealed a lot about my friendships. The friendships I thought would survive have fallen away with the distance. to those, I thank them for their time and wish them love on their journey.

Then there are new friendships and this is a treasure, with women who were once only clients in London who are now becoming friends, I am letting them see me beyond the teacher, which is magical because they are looking outside the box so to speak or the label of teacher.. they see me as a woman or another human being, that also has flaws and insecurities.

and then there are the friendships that were great before and have grown even more across the distance…the bond of friendship, immense gratitude for these women.

and then in Barbados after a very rocky start I am cultivating friendships slowly. Its like being the new kid on the block and that surfaces fears or insecurities, theirs and mine. I am a yogini, introducing feminine tantric practices to an island shall I say mostly in the old paradigm and do things a certain way socially or religiously. The one and only thing this move has revealed is cultivate a strong foundation with my relationship with me.

as Oscar Wilde says :

“to love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance…”

My romance with myself started a while back!

Have you begun or How about yours?

The Archer Metaphor

I believe that everything and everyone is a reflection of what is going within. people or situations arise for you to look deeper within.

Within any friendship, it’s not always smooth sailing. there are times when challenges arise and two courses of action occur, reaction (fight) and ‘fight’ or pause. for me this is like the archer metaphor. And since I write these between two Full Moon’s in Sagittarius, symbolised by the Archer, i thought i’d share…

Centaurthe archer needs to pull back and tighten up the bow string, and keep a clear eye on the target, before releasing it to propel forward. so when the challenges arise within a friendship it is an opportunity to both parties to pull back, pause, take a step back for clarity, re-align with love, rather than other reaction emotions, that often ignite when the challenge arises this pulling back i believe is essential to cool the flames and before moving forward. This is something I am learning and practicing, especially because I am a Kali type who may easily lose herself in the intoxication of emotions and feelings, as Kali did on the battle .

The tightening of the bow may lead to reaction. I am seeing this in my own life, the pause is essential for process on how I feel, so that I re-align and talk or move coming from truth, rather than an emotive stage. I may have my opinion of the situation or the person, this isn’t a judgement, it’s how I feel. I cannot change them or the situation so rather than reacting… I pause to reflect:: – what is that person revealing to me, what do I need to look upon within myself, to evolve, to expand, to embrace. What aspect within myself am I potentially dis-owning that they are now reflecting back to me, is this a habitual pattern that keeps arising. And essentially how does all of this cultivate love…

and of course this also is reflective of the friendship with yourself. we have two sides, the divine self and the ego. it is usually the ego that rules, unless you begin to pause, recognise the fears, the insecurities, befriend them so they heal and then your true essence will talk to you more..

Soul Searching

I’ve done a lot of soul searching over the years, as my story reveals when my body shut down was pivotal time for me to awaken to what I was denying, so I was able to heal. When anyone’s body shuts down it is a time to heal, to Un-numb the past emotions stored in the cellular memory of the body from past traumas, the shutting down is the body finally speaking saying l i s t e n.

loveWhat was I denying : Love… My trauma and deep insecurity was abandonment and rejection. This came from my father not being around or when he was, he still was not present and so I learnt as a little girl to take on the masculine role to not feel alone and this then cultivated a balance within my lack of masculine in my life, paradoxically leading to an imbalance as a woman.. Although a woman and feminine I was stuck in the masculine just like many other modern day woman who are stuck in this role.

For example; The pattern I would follow is to choose men that would never commit so ultimately would reject me and I feel abandoned again, because I have not healed that wound. or if a friendships isn’t going well, i’d reject it before I felt abandoned, I’d take on the masculine role or rejecting or abandon. Now however I pause, feel into the emotions that are rising, i don’t run, I  p a u s e, breathe through the emotions arising and stay present.

and you:

Do you have abandonment issues? Ask yourself:

Do you avoid entering into relationships because you fear of getting dumped?
Has someone told you that you are too needy or get too attached too soon and too fast?
Do you sabotage your relationships? (-even if things are going well, because you fear your heart will get broken down the road?
Do you try control everything in a relationship?
Do you look for flaws in a potential partner as a way of ruling out any possibility for romance?

These are signs you also may have abandonment issues.

What I practice is to make friends with these insecurities. try this…Befriend the little girl inside of you who suffered a trauma and yearns for healing. are you willing to let the wall down brick by brick and revealing your feminine, vulnerable side and allowing the masculine to hold space for you. This is what I found in my man, he helped me to come back to my feminine essence. It began with me making friends, loving myself, the whole of me and honouring my traumas and insecurities.

Friendship with my Husband

My deepest friendship apart from with myself is with my husband and my mother. I offer thanks everyday for this. I once heard a saying : “we all have baggage, it’s a matter of finding someone to unpack with you.” we definitely unpack together, on every level. I am learning to surrender and show myself completely and let my husband see me, especially now. this journey is amazing.

I feel you truly do see yourself in marriage, you’ve made that commitment and that commitment for me is about being authentic. I’ve hidden away for many years. Just like the feminine remains hidden until you ask for help. I did that when I met Tantra 8 years ago and the ShivaShakti dance evolves…

I’ll be honest, I am sad about 2 friendships with women that have gone, they were like soulmates from my childhood and my darkest years of self discovery. Yet as the other saying goes : friendship is for a reason, a season or a lifetime…

and now I yearn for friendships in Barbados where I am bringing something so ******* liberation to the island, for women and for relationships. and I know this newness invokes fear, that stems from old traumas, so let’s see what friendships blossom and who is willing to accept, embrace and heal, I may just show them a way that works so quickly, it’s amazing.

here’s to friendship!

Jai Ma