As I coach and teach women the tools that takes them on a path to pleasure. And this process or journey uncovers many different feelings and emotions and reactions about pleasure. Simply walking towards a path to pleasure is daunting for some.
Is it for you?
How do you react when you hear the word pleasure?
In my group of Facebook, I ran a poll about pleasure. Some of the answers from the women included : Most thought pleasure was sexual, and that pleasure feels private. The most popular choice in the poll was : they looked forward to pleasure.
This is absolutely great! As a coach and teacher this shows me, women yearn for connection to pleasure, even if they think it is private, sexual or pleasure invokes fear or closes them down. It means I am able to give practices to transform this. Especially because for me pleasure is definitely not just sexual. Pleasure for me is drinking water, I explain why later in blog. So :
And what is pleasure?
Pleasure is a feeling of satisfaction or enjoyment.So a path to pleasure is revealing to you a new way of exploring pleasure.
What stops pleasure? and how may this be transformed quickly?
When a woman looks forward to something, it releases oxytocin. Oxytocin is the love and bonding hormone, which also helps to lower stress levels too, by reducing the stress hormone, cortisol. and Cortisol limits pleasure and is so damaging to our body as well. And as you may determine, stress and pleasure don’t really mix – I don’t think anyone finds stress pleasurable. And stress robs the body of other balancer hormones too. I always remember an interview I listened to years ago;
Dr John Gray who wrote Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus says in an interview :” The cost of stress besides the lack of fulfilment, the lack of love, the lack of ability to enjoy pleasure. When you’re stressed what then occurs is your digestion becomes inhibited. It literally inhibits digestive enzymes. It’s a cellular body saying I’m being chased by a bear, who cares about digesting lunch, I’m about to be digested. So there’s a sense of it, your body really goes to these changes. There’s nothing wrong with beings stressed if it’s only for a few minutes. But once we develop the frontal cortex of the brain, once we’ve been chased by a bear, now we imagine being chased again and again and again and so we can live in a state of chronic stress. That is causing tremendous problems for women particularly more so than men. Understanding these hormones can be very helpful because it turns out that the studies are showing that when a woman takes time to go to a spa, a yoga retreat, any of those kinds of things, her oxytocin levels replenish. They not only replenish at the retreat but if she has it on her calendar months in advance, and she’s talking to her friends about it, just the anticipation of going to an oxytocin festival will be creating oxytocin in her body……Another really big one is romance. This is really a key factor, which is she feels loved and supported. She feels seen, she feels heard, and she feels touched. So these are like key factors elements of life that we see are springing up here and there and understanding the differences, the hormonal differences, basically the biological matrix, which is unique about masculine and feminine, and we all have our own unique balance of that.”
Hormones within the body are a major factor for pleasure. If you are in a constant state of stress, nothing seems pleasurable, or you miss pleasure moments. Stress starves you of pleasure. As John Gray says you’re not digesting lunch, you’re also not digesting life’s process, or receiving nourishment because of stress. I see this in clients and often ask:
– what are you hungry for?
We are all hungry for something, a path to pleasure shows you ways to reduce your stress, by moving you and your mind into the natural intelligence of the your body and senses. Let’s look at pleasure from a Tantra perspective and begin not create balance.
Tantra’s path to pleasure; leads you away from stress..
I’ve shared that Tantra is a practice that expands consciousness in my What is Tantra blog and my interview. Pleasure is also an expansion or an opening into another realm. The path to pleasure is like a YES that expands and opens you, rather than a contraction or a NO. and I don’t know about you, but I have enough no’s in my life and would like some more yes’s! That’s what I love about tantra, he practices help me to shift my perspective.
So many of us in the modern world live in our heads, overthinking, analysing or simply doing. This creates a disconnection. Yet there’s a simply way to reduce stress and increase pleasure : the magic is in the body. This is where the real transformation alchemises. Tantra awakens you through your body. Tantra practices help shift you from the left analytical brain in to the right feeling, pleasure brain.
When you allow yourself to go th this pleasure brain, a lot of healing naturally occurs, because you move from stress to pleasure. Your body naturally awakens and you don’t need to analyse this, for if you do, you’re back in your left brain. When you’re in the right feeling, experiencing, pleasure brain, the bear is no longer chasing you as Dr John Grey says. You are not in fight or flight mode.
Here’s a practice:
Imagine you are stressed and uptight; to reduce this almost instantly a simple tantra practice would be to:
pause, connect to your breath, close your eyes, (which makes other senses more prominent,) then lightly touch your skin somewhere (arms, forehead, neck, cheeks). Allow the softness of your touch to awaken sensations and feel them – allow yourself to feel what arises. Maybe tell me what does…
What are the different types of pleasure?
In answer to my poll in my group where the majority of women thought pleasure was sexual, I am about to offer you different scenarios.
Pleasure can be :
As you can see, pleasure is not just sexual. In fact I love non-sexual pleasure! I hope sharing this you will too.And you will also see you’ve been expereincing pleasure without connecting to it.
Pleasure may be long lasting, where you look back in a day, week, year or years and the memory invokes the pleasure all over again. You feel good. Or there’s instant gratification type of of pleasure. This type of pleasure is where a short time after you finished doing what you thought gave you pleasure, you feel guilt or regret doing or having it. i.e eating a pizza and then your belly hurts as you know you ‘shouldn’t’ really eat it as it makes your belly bloat 🙂 .
The path to pleasure is a choice. Let’s look at the different types of pleasure and maybe you can express more of your own. Please note as I go through a few of these are intimately connected.
Mental Pleasure : Daydreaming about your holiday, planning your wedding, thinking about a man, woman, creating a project that excites you
Emotional Pleasure : Feeling of love, desire, joy, a smell that invokes a memory or feeling, buying new shoes/dress, meeting up with your best friend or chatting on the phone that offers deeper connection, seeing a sunset
Physical Pleasure : Great workout, delicious food, Yoga class. massage, loving your body, feeling the sun on your skin, taking a walk in nature,
Sexual Pleasure : Amazing sex, intimacy, getting turned on looking at something/someone/or yourself, orgasm
Spiritual Pleasure : Meditation, Yoga, Tantra Practices, Kundalini Awakening/ Full Body Orgasm, devotion with deep love and intention
Do you get the idea? pleasures are endless. A path to pleasure is a portal to a deeper experience into you and your life.
For me, one of my first pleasures in the morning is waking up with my husband and him resting his hand on my sacred belly. This is mental, emotional, physical, sexual and spiritual pleasure for me. It doesn’t mean we will have sex, yet sometimes it arouses sexual union. Another thing is when I first drink my hot water and lemon in the morning; I love the way the hot water trickles down my throat warming me from the inside as if purifying me. Again this could be any one of theses pleasures.
I invite you to begin to explore pleasure in your life, by awakening your senses. It’s a fun practice.
What do you see, taste, smell, hear and feel on a day to day basis?
Your yoga is to pause, breath, and stop before you start. This gives you the space to drop into the path to pleasure in every moment. And I guarantee this will then open new portals. Please do let me know.